I just read a wonderful article in the New York Times website that changed the way I am parenting. The post is “A Cure for Hyper-Parenting” by Pamela Druckerman in the Opinion Section of the New York Times.

My Favorite quote of the article is:

Don’t just parent for the future, parent for this evening. Your child probably won’t get into the Ivy League or win a sports scholarship. At age 24, he might be back in his childhood bedroom, in debt, after a mediocre college career. Raise him so that, if that happens, it will still have been worth it. A Dutch father of three told me about his Buddhist-inspired approach: total commitment to the process, total equanimity about the outcome.

– From “A Cure for Hyper-Parenting” by Pamela Druckerman

When spending time with my kids, I often think about what I need to do to prepare them for the future. Instead, I should focus on what they need now. This way of viewing parenting reduces guilt related be a perfect parent.

I will no longer be reading them books or watching videos based off of what will prepare them for the next stage of life. It is okay if they watch Spongebob instead of Baby Einstein. They need a happy and enjoyable childhood. This includes a healthy understanding of consequences and empathy.

The article goes into the importance of having higher standards for children. Toddlers can understand more than parents realize. Science shows that children too young to speak can understand what we say.

Another interesting idea from the article is the importance of parents getting proper sleep. According to the author, parenting crises are often a result of the parents’ lack of sleep.

My wife and I fight more because our 3-month old wakes up several times a night. It doesn’t affect her parenting, but I understand how crises can escalate when sleep deprived.

The article had one last thing that changes the way I view how I will parent when the kids get older.

Don’t worry about overscheduling your child. Kids who do extracurriculars have higher grades and self-esteem than those who don’t, among many other benefits, says a 2006 overview in the Society for Research in Child Development’s Social Policy Report.

– From “A Cure for Hyper-Parenting” by Pamela Druckerman

It is common to hear comments about how children are having too many things going on. Many feel “kids need to be allowed to be kids” with less structure.

I used to feel this way as well. But the quote above makes a good point. If kids are actively accomplishing things and being part of the community, they will be proud of themselves. As a result having higher self-esteem.

While I can not say today how I will parent in one, five, or ten years. I do know that right now I am enjoying my time with my kids. I hope you are too.

Enjoy who they are now and focus less on who you want them to be in the future.