Parenting

Parenting

A New Way of Looking at Parenting

Creative Parenting, Leave a comment

I just read a wonderful article in the New York Times website that changed the way I am parenting. The post is “A Cure for Hyper-Parenting” by Pamela Druckerman in the Opinion Section of the New York Times.

My Favorite quote of the article is:

Don’t just parent for the future, parent for this evening. Your child probably won’t get into the Ivy League or win a sports scholarship. At age 24, he might be back in his childhood bedroom, in debt, after a mediocre college career. Raise him so that, if that happens, it will still have been worth it. A Dutch father of three told me about his Buddhist-inspired approach: total commitment to the process, total equanimity about the outcome.

– From “A Cure for Hyper-Parenting” by Pamela Druckerman

When spending time with my kids, I often think about what I need to do to prepare them for the future. Instead, I should focus on what they need now. This way of viewing parenting reduces guilt related be a perfect parent.

I will no longer be reading them books or watching videos based off of what will prepare them for the next stage of life. It is okay if they watch Spongebob instead of Baby Einstein. They need a happy and enjoyable childhood. This includes a healthy understanding of consequences and empathy.

The article goes into the importance of having higher standards for children. Toddlers can understand more than parents realize. Science shows that children too young to speak can understand what we say.

Another interesting idea from the article is the importance of parents getting proper sleep. According to the author, parenting crises are often a result of the parents’ lack of sleep.

My wife and I fight more because our 3-month old wakes up several times a night. It doesn’t affect her parenting, but I understand how crises can escalate when sleep deprived.

The article had one last thing that changes the way I view how I will parent when the kids get older.

Don’t worry about overscheduling your child. Kids who do extracurriculars have higher grades and self-esteem than those who don’t, among many other benefits, says a 2006 overview in the Society for Research in Child Development’s Social Policy Report.

– From “A Cure for Hyper-Parenting” by Pamela Druckerman

It is common to hear comments about how children are having too many things going on. Many feel “kids need to be allowed to be kids” with less structure.

I used to feel this way as well. But the quote above makes a good point. If kids are actively accomplishing things and being part of the community, they will be proud of themselves. As a result having higher self-esteem.

While I can not say today how I will parent in one, five, or ten years. I do know that right now I am enjoying my time with my kids. I hope you are too.

Enjoy who they are now and focus less on who you want them to be in the future.

Phantom Crier Syndrome

Parenting an Infant, Comments Off on Phantom Crier Syndrome

I used to hear it when I was younger, waaaaay before I was a mother.  I would babysit for my nieces and nephews a lot and I have specific memories of getting up and running to their rooms at the back of the house.  Instead of a squalling baby, a peacefully sleeping baby.  This happened at least twice a night.  It was maddening!

Baby CryingWe put our spare bed into the nursery when our son was born and I pretty much lived out of that room for the first 3-5 months, after that we wanted to break him of his 3 am feeding through Ferberization.  It wasn’t really until the 6 or 7th month that I realized I was still getting up.

I hear phantom crying!

The most disturbing thing is that when the baby monitor is shut off…  I can still hear sounds coming from it!  So much so that I’ll roll over in my sleep and pick it up to look at it, expecting to see its little lights blinking and, instead, finding that it isn’t even on!  And the baby is sound asleep.

Arrg!

Phantom Crier Syndrome

Am I crazy?  (My husband thinks I am.)  Is this some sort of new-mother-mania?  Am I disturbed, obsessed, defective?

The internet is not a lot of help, at least not scientifically, but there’s a lot of anecdotal information.  I guess the best that could be said is that women (and some men) do this out of a natural need to keep our children safe and alive.  It may sound a bit non-scienc-y for me to say it, but I think phantom crying was bred into us through the generations to make sure the species stays alive.

If I’m constantly checking on my baby because I think I hear him crying, I’m probably more likely to catch something else that goes wrong as it happens.  Like a blanket over my baby’s face.  So, while the phantom crying is annoying as heck, it’s also natural, and maybe even necessary!

Traveling with an Infant

Parenting an Infant, , Leave a comment

Our Infant TravelingThings to consider when traveling with an infant:

  • With a baby, you should stop every 2-3 hours anyway so take some time to map out the best places to stop.  I like to hit waysides and the local state visitor info centers, the last one I was at had a lovely paved walking path with lots of shady patches of lawn to let the baby crawl on.
  • If you’re traveling with another adult, one of you can attend to the baby while the other fills the gas tank or orders the food.
  • If you’re lucky enough to be traveling with another adult, that means there’ll be someone available to sit in the back seat, to distract a fussy baby.
  • A pacifier clip is an invaluable asset when trying to keep pacifier from the floor mats.  My baby is old enough to put it back in his mouth when he spits it out.
  • If you can, plan the trip around baby’s sleep schedule.  The easiest car trip I had was the one we started at night after bedtime.  He slept the entire time!

If driving at night is not an option, and you’re traveling alone with a car-crabby baby try these tips;

  • Turn the car radio to static and raise it to the general volume of his crying.  (It works with the vacuum cleaner when you’re at home!)
  • Keep an abundance of small, interesting, toys in the front seat with you and pass them back as he throws them over the side of the car seat.
  • Sing.  Sometimes the sound of your voice doing something like singing could be enough to make your crabby kid smile.
  • Open the windows.  A blasting of wind is often distracting, sometimes fun, to an irritated baby.
  • If there’s space for it, provide finger foods for distraction.

Play Dough Recipe

How-to for Parenting, , Leave a comment

Use this play dough recipe to make a fun dough that is cheap, and colorful!

homemade playdough for toddlersThings Needed:

1 Cup salt

1 ½ Cups flour

4 Tbsp. Olive Oil

4 Tsp. cream of tartar

¾ Cup tap water

Food Coloring

Storage containers such as; jam jars, baby food containers, etc.

Various kitchen utensils; rolling pins, cookie cutters, etc.

Vanilla, peppermint, almond are optional.  The same for any extract you can find down the baking aisle.  You can add them for their smell as much as for taste (and don’t think kids won’t put it in their mouth!)  This is not a time to use essential oils!

To Make:

Combine all ingredients (except the food coloring) adjust water/flour amounts to get a perfect consistency, squish together with your hands for best results, if you have toddlers they will love this step!

Now, grab a chunk of it and poke a little divot in the center with your finger. Put a few drops of food coloring in the indent, start with two.  Fold the dough until color is blended in to your satisfaction, be careful, it’ll stain your hands for a week!

Put dough in your containers and store wherever you like. If you see that the dough is drying out add a few drops of water until you’re back in the game. This dough will eventually go bad, but it’s easy to re-make. Woo, playtime!