I remember countless nights babysitting for other people’s children, where I was driven crazy by all the crying. If you have been in my shoes, you know how much of a monster one feels for wishing the little dough balls would just shut up and let me get some rest already…

I’ve always assumed that I would feel different when the baby was mine. Perhaps my kid would come with a sense of tolerance or something.  But that doesn’t mean I won’t, gratefully, pick up on any lil’ trick of the trade I can find.

Maybe I just want this one to be true, but did you know that there are people out there who swear that newborns have language?  It is called the Dunstan Baby Language.  Oprah loves it, so it has to be good. Right?

The Dunstan Method is the brainchild of a woman who claims to have been born with an eidetic memory (photographic memory for images, sounds, etc.) and has pinpointed the five universal sounds all infants make and the reasons they make them.

Neh.  Not just a noise disinterested people make.  It means, simply, ‘feed me, I’m hungry.’

Owh.  ‘I’m tired.’  It looks a little like a yawn.

Heh.  This is the sound that I recognize the most and is the noise I always thought was the absolute cutest on a baby I’m holding.  Also, it’s the sound that signifies ‘Whoe, not comfy!’  And is the noise you should associate with an upcoming diaper change.

Eairh.  The ‘tummy ache’ sound.  Supposedly made whenever air from one of those cute baby burps doesn’t come out and travels down south to the intestines.  Also made before or during a bowel movement.

Eh.  Not quite the same as “Eairh” but related. It is the ‘I need a burping’ sound.

I should probably go ahead and disclaim here.  This Dunstan method isn’t validated by science.

In fact, the Dunstan company was supposed to go through clinical testing with Brown University, but backed out preferring anecdotal evidence to “hasten the development of a system that could be used by parents.”  Skipping testing and going right to sale.  Which seems a little fishy. Who wouldn’t want a nod from the scientific community?

But then, I know as a parent I’d probably be grateful to have the methods for communicating with my kid before ‘testing’ says it’s ‘acceptable.’  If it works it works, right?  Oprah. right?